Vesta (biggelois) wrote in punctuators,
Vesta
biggelois
punctuators

When writing 2nd person POV, should you use present progressive and the -ingform trough out or can you use present simple as well?

"I can hear you think, that can't be good." Sam's voice in your ear makes you jump.
"For fuck's sake!"
Sam chuckles and buries his face against your neck again. "Good morning to you too," he says and licks your ear.

Or:

"I can hear you think, that can't be good." Sam's voice in your ear is making you jump.
"For fuck's sake!"
Sam is chuckling and buring his face against your neck again. "Good morning to you too," he is saying and licking your ear.

I prefer the top one, but which is correct?

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  • 4 comments
They're both technically correct, but the second one is awk-ward.
Hm, my thought exactly. Thank you very much.
Hmm. How to explain this. Verbs should match in their tense and in their person. -Ing verbs and non-ing verbs can exist together because they are neither tense- nor person-specific. Let me explain by example. Prose that is either all -ing verbs or void of all -ing verbs lacks rhythm. Look at this, in contrast to either of your two examples:

Sam's voice in your ear makes you jump.
Sam chuckles, burying his face against your neck again. "Good morning to you, too," he says, licking your ear.

See how that makes a nice rhythm? The first example of yours was hindered by all the "and"s linking your verbs, the second example was overloaded on "ing"s. My example makes a more pleasing blending IMHO.
Thank you. I agree, better rhytm. Then there's the question about where to put the commas and when. I got the commas beaten out of me a long time ago. Back to practice again.